Dear, dear friends,
Thank you so much for praying for me and my surgery. I can attest that your prayers are already being answered.
No, I have no indication that the narrowing is enlarging. No, the doctor didn’t call me to tell me we were going to go ahead with the surgery. Nothing has physically changed (that I know of anyway).
God is answering your prayers in my heart and mind. He is giving me a peace about this. And it’s not because I’ve seen a lot of people in more difficult trials than I’m in (although I have) and so have been guilted into feeling “at least I’m doing better than them” (I have a blog post brewing about the topic of comparing trials). It’s also not because I’ve pep-talked myself out of discouragement or pulled myself up by my bootstraps.
Nope! It’s the Spirit’s work in my life helping me to choose to believe the promises of God. Some people may say that prayer, the Bible, and God are a crutch. I would say that those are as much of a crutch as a loving parent is a crutch to their child. Don’t good parents want their child to seek their love and help and comfort, and aren’t they always ready and willing to give it to their child? And don’t good parents sometimes even make hard and unpleasant decisions for their child to help them grow and mature? And don’t children sometimes not understand why their parents are making certain decisions for them? So it is with my Heavenly Father, and He is infinitely more wise and all-knowing than any parent here on earth. I may not understand what God is doing or why, but I can trust Him because He knows the beginning from the end.
“As a father shows compassion to his children,so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.For he knows our frame;he remembers that we are dust.”Psalm 103:13-14 ESV
It’s weird to me to think that I will not know until I come out of the anesthesia whether the ileostomy takedown has happened. And after the events of the scope on Friday, I’m reminded that if the surgery does happen, there are certain things that will be very difficult to deal with (read: I haven’t used those muscles and organ for almost 5 months and they aren’t happy with me). But God knows all those things.
God has answered your prayer in this: no matter what the outcome, I have a calm assurance that He is with me each step of the way and has a purpose for each trial and each victory. I’ve always known that throughout this journey, but the truth of it has made its way back to my heart and head again in a way that has given me true peace.
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:31-39 ESV
So thank you again for your prayers. I feel “bathed” in prayer and am so thankful.